Current mood:	crushed
Current music:	"Even Angels Fall" - Jessica Riddle

Ready for the end
Do you ever have those weeks where everything in the world seems to hit you at once? Ever have about three of those weeks in a row? Cause that's about where I am right now.

I can't take these damn midterms anymore, they are taking what is left of my brain and making it into mashed potatoes. I seriously can't. My grades are so freaking sporatic, I don't even know what the hell to fix anymore. One exam I get a 65%, the other a 96%. WTF?! Then I get the highest mark on a lab practical, but a C+ on the lecture exam. I just can't keep my brain going for much longer. I need mindlessness, lots and lots of mindlessness.

And oh my gawd, my family. I won't even get STARTED on how fucked up my family is right now.

All I want, all I've ever wanted, is to have a normal holiday season. I don't need gifts or trees or snow. I just want everything to be blissfully normal and have my loved ones all around me.

But no, it doesn't work that way.

I just want to wake up in the morning, and not get scared about every single phone call I get. I want to be happy when I see someone other than Ed (annnd a few friends) is calling me. I want to stop cursing at the phone and telling it not to RING! Cause I know it's not Ed or the select other few and that means something bad is happening.

My heart can't take this all much more.

I need my winter break. I need it to sit down, get my ass together, and to look towards the future. Only a semester and a half. Then I can put one stressful situation aside and start a real life. A real life that'll actually have a great beginning, a great middle, and a great ending.

I just need to get the past to leave me alone. I can't fix it. I just need to keep telling myself that.

Maybe someday it'll actually sink in.

Maybe.